Honestly?!
Honesty is so complicated. We were told that we should be honest, tell the truth, from when we were small. Pretty simple right?
“Did you break that pot Billy?” Why yes mother I did, and I am ready to face the consequences”
“Do you like my new hair style?” “No honey I don’t, it makes you look like your mother”
“What are your expectations from our company, if we hire you?” “I have heard that the supervisor is an idiot so I plan on slacking off and making money”
Honesty, full disclosure, transparency…call it whatever you want. It is not black and white. This can make recovery relationships a little tricky sometimes. We have all lied and hurt people in our addiction and are continuously making amends, focusing on our living apology, earning back trust. But are there situations that warrant us questioning the value of telling the truth?
For example, my adult children have been through hell with my addiction. At 2 ½ years sober they are proud of me and maybe resting easier. Do they need to know how much I struggle some days with depression, agitation or apathy? What is the benefit of burdening them? It will only add to my guilt and their stress. Is that selfish? Am I making excuses?
Do I tell my mother about how much I messed up my finances? I know she will worry to the point of making herself sick. Can I lie to protect her? Or am I protecting myself from facing her disappointment?
Do I tell my employer about my history? Is it their business? Am I more worried about my carrier? Is that ok?
I am committed to my recovery. I know I cannot go back to the life I was leading. There is no question there. Constant lying and misrepresentation was part of my life. Often I feel like I have to be honest in all of my relationships, to avoid sliding backwards. Other times I feel that I am being punished by being forced to live in an emotional glass house, in full view of everyone. I honestly do not know right from wrong some days.
I don’t have any answers here, if you were looking. No wisdom, feeble insight and nothing but questions.
That my friends is the truth.
