Belonging

We all want to feel as if we belong to something. I believe that anyway.

We belong to a circle of friends, we identify ourselves at our workplace or in our chosen carrier. We belong to parenting groups, book clubs, sports teams, running groups, the yoga community. The list goes on. Even if we don’t want or need attachment, we may belong to the group of individuals who are loners, outcasts, different from the rest. It is about identity, who we are and how we define ourselves.

The reality is though, that defining ourselves can be a complex process. We will not feel as if we belong if we are pretending to be something else. If we are spending our energy becoming something else, we are not being honest with ourselves about who we really are. Maybe we see something in ourselves that we don’t like, are ashamed of or have made efforts to conceal. We all have our ugly parts. As recovering addicts, we are especially aware of this.

Ironically, the key to feeling fully accepted by others, is to be fully accepting of ourselves.

As an example, I started a new job about a year and a half ago. I have been trying to secure myself there since day one. I am very experienced in the field and admittedly had my ego kicked being treated like a newbie. It has caused me stress and resulted in a lot of anger on my part. Over the last month or so I have had a change in outlook, I think in part due to writing these blogs and facing some hard facts. I am a troubled person, but I am doing my best. I do not have it all together, I make mistakes and I need help sometimes. I am OK with it though. This is who I am. I have come a long way and I am proud of that. I don’t need accolades about my work prowess to make me feel good about myself or make me feel worthy. I actually am much happier at work, more relaxed and I feel like one of the team.

I accept myself as I am. That’s not to say that I have stopped growing and learning. I just know that I am ok right now, and I do not have to pretend to be anything else.