Her Boy

I talked with a woman today, whose adult son died from addiction. This was many years ago but she spoke as if it were yesterday.

She described her son as having it all, good looks, brains and personality. She also spoke about his life long struggle. She told me he was in and out of rehab many times, each time having some success but then falling back in to his addiction. Then she told me about the last time he fell.

He had been clean for about a year, he had a good job, his own place and friendships. She said she will never forget the conversation they had at their kitchen table. It was a hot August day. Her boy said “you know Mom, I am feeling really good. It’s a beautiful summer day and my friends are at a patio. I am going to go and have a beer with them. I deserve that!” One month later he was dead.

She spoke about this with the clarity and calmness that years of therapy had given her. She knew for fact that no one could have saved him but himself. She knew she had supported him through treatment and never condoned his behavior. She knew it was not her fault that he was the way he was. She knew that parenting styles, family finances or education had little to do with his drug addiction. She had spent the last 10 years supporting other parents of addicts and attending groups for that purpose. She was succeeding in her own recovery from loving an addict. I was in awe of her resilience and strength.

We said our good-bye’s and as I was walking away, she spoke quietly “But you know, maybe if I…..”    Her words trailed off.

I cannot imagine her pain.