Games We Play
Let’s talk about the games we play while we are drinking. I am not talking about “caps” or “beer pong”. I mean the lies we tell ourselves, the tricks we use and all the planning we put in to drinking and not getting found out.
In no particular order, here are some of my favorites…and by favorites, I don’t mean that I actually like them, they were just part of my day to day.
First, you have to get the alcohol. This means going to the liquor store, but not the same one every day. I would keep a mental note as to where I had been recently and make sure that I didn’t frequent the same one too often. I would drive miles out of my way, or walk miles (if I was drunk already), instead of going to the store on my street. I would also go to “specialty wine stores” and spend way more money than I needed too. Then came delivery services, but these also needed to be rotated.
When do you work next? You have to stop drinking at least 12 hours prior so you don’t smell. Make sure you have gum or Halls on hand. Thank God for covid masks! When was your last sick day? You can always have another “migraine”.
Tinctures to get you through your work day. Valerian was my favorite. A little medicine dropper of 50% alcohol under the tongue, if someone asks “It’s herbal medicine”
Always bring your own liquor supply if you are going out, carry a big purse. Nothing strikes fear in to the heart of an alcoholic like one bottle of wine on the table for four people!
Never agree to drive the group. If you do drive, know where the usual check stops are. Don’t speed.
Try a maintenance alcohol, like cinder or beer. You have to drink more to get drunk so you should be able to function longer. Or, use them to taper off so the withdrawals are not as bad. Take Gravol though, because these drinks will make you sick.
I could go on but I am sure you get the point. Being an alcoholic takes work. In the depths of addiction these things are second nature. This is your whole life and there is nothing you can do about it.
In recovery, I look back at this time and I am so grateful for my sobriety. I can clearly see the hell I was living in. I know I am sounding flippant about these behaviors, but the reality is that this was a very dangerous time. I am incredibly lucky to have gotten the help I needed, when I did.
