Time Travel
The other day I found out that the niece of a person I know had died. I know she had a severe problem with drinking and drug use, and she had been struggling for a while. She was 24. This person that I know (let's call him Bob) had been in and out of my life since high school. Our relationship had deteriorated to the point that I was avoiding Bob completely, because whenever I did talk to him, he would assume I wanted him back in my life full time. I did not! Unfortunately, I was Bob’s token alcoholic person, and he had asked me at one point to talk to his niece about her drinking. I declined; I told him that the desire to stop drinking had to come from her and let him know about resources she could access. I really did not want to ensnare myself with Bob again. Selfish, maybe. But in reality, this girl did not know me, and I was trying very hard to separate myself from Bob.
After I heard about her death, I felt bad. Such a young life was lost. Yes, Bob texted me out of the blue in March, to tell me she had died last fall.
I didn’t talk with her, but I do wonder what I would have said? What would I say to a 24-year-old me if I had the chance?
At 24 years old I knew I drank too much. It was already causing problems in my new marriage. I was hiding drinking, pre gaming before any social occasion and embarrassing myself far too often. Despite this, I didn’t see it as a lifelong problem.
Given the opportunity, I would probably tell my younger self that it was only going to get worse, that I was an alcoholic. I would tell her about the pain she was causing her family already and the pain she was going to cause her children. I would tell her all about how sick she was going to get from alcohol and how desperately she would come to need it, but not want it. I would tell her that it was going to consume her and isolate her from everyone.
She would probably argue that none of this would happen, she would say I was wrong and that she had control of her future. My younger self was just delusional enough to think she knew more about her future than her “actual future” did!
Despite her negative response, I would ask her to go to a counsellor and get treatment for her anxiety. Also, to explore the possibility of another diagnosis’ that if treated could greatly improve her quality of life.
Once again, she would call me crazy, not accepting that any of this was possible. She would adamantly insist that she was in complete control. This illustrating the point, that even when presented with the truth, as addicts, we deny the problem, justify behavior and create rationalizations for ourselves.
Other than proving the existence of time travel and maybe getting myself to wear a little more sunscreen, not much would have been accomplished.
Our words, more often than not, will fall on deaf ears when speaking with someone in early addiction, but we cannot let this stop us from trying. We can lead by example, sponsor and mentor people when asked, share our experiences, and maybe even writing a blog about what this disease does to a person. Everything helps.
