Little Things

I am sitting on my balcony in a lawn chair, enjoying a bit of a breeze. As I sit here I realise I am quite at peace. I am relaxed. There was a time when I thought I would never enjoy this without a glass of wine. A time in early sobriety when I would not even try this because “what would be the point?” I could not just sit. The only way to relax was with alcohol.

This little bit of self-discovery has got me thinking about how many things I used to do that alcohol was a huge part of, and how they are gradually becoming things I can do sober. Do them, and actually enjoy them.

The most basic example I can think of is just coming home at the end of the day. No matter how tired I was, getting home made me restless and edgy. There was no reward waiting for me. “I am home…not drinking”. I would fill the time with pointless projects around the house, or just go to bed. I was proud of myself for how well I was doing but there was not a lot of joy.

Watching TV was difficult. I am now able to sit and watch a series without feeling like something is “missing” from the experience. This includes reading a book, watching a movie, any kind of entertainment. Even going out for a meal.

I was afraid to go camping. I have been camping by myself a number of times but always with alcohol. I thought going sober may be too difficult, but I gave it a try. I surprised myself at how good it was. I can honestly say I had a great time.

We talk a lot about handling the difficult emotions and fears that come with sobriety. We discuss things at meetings and with therapists. We read books and listen to podcasts about healing ourselves. We focus on making our lives better, and rightly so. It is an important and necessary part of recovery.

Sometimes though, it is nice to be able to sit back and reap the benefits. Just enjoy the “win” for a few moments!