Time For Me

May 21/24

We all do things that we know we shouldn't, or don't do things that we know we should. Often were left with a feeling of guilt or remorse afterwards. We might be angry with ourselves. We might consider ourselves a "bad person" for not doing the thing we should have done. These are normal reactions when we do something that we feel guilty about. But in the light of self compassion, maybe we can change the way we see ourselves in these moments.

For example, my mother phoned last night, and I saw her number on my phone and didn't answer. I was not in the mood to talk to her. I was not in the mood to tell her how my day was. I was tired and cranky, and I just wanted to watch TV. Afterwards, I felt really bad. I felt like I was being a bad daughter. I know she enjoys our phone calls.

First, I need to acknowledge how I'm feeling. I need to sit with my uncomfortable emotions rather than stuffing them down. "I'm feeling guilty for not being there for my mom". I can then try and show myself some compassion by investigating a little more. Why did I not answer the phone? I was not in a place mentally where I could deal with a conversation with my mom. What I needed in that moment was to engage in some self care and self nurturing. Even if that was just mindlessly watching TV. When it comes to our mental well being, we need to make ourselves a priority sometimes.

Next, if possible, we could look forward and determine if there is anything we could do to ease the situation? In this case, I could call my mother back in the morning. I could drop by for coffee, somehow let her know that I do care about her.

By taking these steps. I am a better person when I actually do spend time with my mom. And in the end, I feel better.

Feeling compassion for ourselves in no way releases us from responsibility for our actions. Rather, it releases us from the self-hatred that prevents us from responding to our life with clarity and balance.

– Tara Brach