Conflict
If you’ve ever posted anything online, you have undoubtedly been met with negative comments and negative feedback. This unfortunately is a fact of life. Individuals will troll through social media with the sole purpose of finding something they don’t agree with and then attempt to engage with the writer. Comments can be as childish as “who cares”, or they can be more aggressive attacks on personal beliefs and philosophies. Perhaps they do this out of a need for attention, perhaps the people in their lives have stopped engaging with them, or maybe they’re just doing it for fun. Whatever the reason it can be upsetting and infuriating. The nice thing about social media is that instead of engaging with the person, you can simply delete their comment. If only we could do this in real life!
Interacting with others can be a source of joy and comfort sometimes, whether it’s a small chat with the person at the grocery store or a heartfelt talk with the best friend. These moments can enrich our lives. Unfortunately, we will also have negative interactions with people around us. There will be disagreements with family or work colleagues, we will find ourselves in a lineup behind someone on a racist rant, we will be confronted by pushy salespeople and alike. Unfortunately, in real life we can’t delete the conversation. We must choose to react or not to react.
Compromise, conflict resolution or simply taking a big breath are some of the techniques we could employ to make these moments a little easier. While often very successful, we may still be left with residual feelings of anger and hurt. What do we do with these feelings? The situation is resolved. It’s over now, but we still have that unsettled feeling in our stomachs. Multiple interactions such as this over the course of time can take its toll. It can lead us to a feeling of not wanting to communicate with others, of not wanting to attend social functions or of just not wanting to go outside. This is where we slip into isolation, which often exacerbates preexisting conditions, such as depression, anxiety, and all too often, feeds our addictive behavior.
As someone who suffers from alcoholism, depression and anxiety, I have all too often isolated myself. When I was drinking, I would go for days without talking to or communicating with anyone. Obviously, alcohol was a huge contributor to this behavior but unfortunately, as a sober person, my tendency to isolate to avoid conflict continues. There are days where I feel that I just can’t talk to anybody. In recent weeks, the situation has escalated to the point where I’ve taken a leave of absence from work, and I am talking with the counselor.
We know recovery is not a straight line. We know we will be subject to ups and downs. We know that it is a journey, not a destination. It can be difficult to see this though, when we are on a downward slope, when we are annoyed by the little things, not wanting to deal with people and not wanting to engage. What we can do, at least on a cognitive level, is be aware that this will pass, and we will be on the upward slope again.
I will continue to write about my feelings and express my thoughts. And when I am back in my life, back at work and back to baseline, I will look at this time and realize it was part of my journey and reflect on what I’ve learned. Hopefully I will be better prepared to handle the conflicts of day to day life.
