May 20/24

I fell off my bike two days ago. I feel really stupid about it. I was going around a sharp corner, hit some mud and went flying. Thankfully, I didn't do any serious damage to myself or my bike. I was able to get up and keep riding. partly because I was far from home, and partly because I was embarrassed. Today, two days later. I am in pain. My left hip hurts and I'm having trouble walking. I have a whiplash in my neck and a swollen left elbow with a big gash in it. I've been sitting around my apartment, feeling sorry for myself and lambasting myself for being so stupid. I actually haven't even told anybody that I fell because I'm too embarrassed. 

Ironically, before I left on this bike ride, I completed a blog post about self compassion and how we shouldn't speak negatively to ourselves. I have been limping around calling myself an idiot for two days. So in addition to being in pain, I'm feeling like a bit of a hypocrite.

I have been resting, icing, elevating, medicating and doing all the things I know I'm supposed to do. Unfortunately, I know that these types of injuries take a long time to heal. I know I will be recovering for quite some time  I am not going to be able to do the things that keep me sane, things that calm my mind. and make me feel good; things like running hiking and walking in the neighborhood. 

If I was talking to a friend who had had an accident such as mine, I would tell them just  that, it was an accident. It was not their fault and these things happened. I would tell them I was grateful that they were not more seriously injured. I would probably encourage them to take up other activities while they were recuperating, such as reading, writing, maybe even catching up on some favorite TV shows or movies. I would tell them to take the time and rest.

 In the spirit of self compassion, perhaps I should have this conversation with myself!

“Self-compassion is like a muscle. The more we practice flexing it, especially when life doesn’t go exactly according to plan (a frequent scenario for most of us), the stronger and more resilient our compassion muscle becomes.”
- Sharon Salzberg