Relapse

Can you even call yourself an alcoholic if you haven’t relapsed multiple times??

Stopping drinking “forever”, then picking up again is what we do. We know we are hurting ourselves, hurting our families, jeopardizing our health and security and so on, but we pick up. As is said, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. This time I will just have “one drink”, “I will control myself” . Our intentions are never to throw our lives into chaos, but we prove time and time again that this is exactly what happens. This is addiction. This is the disease. This is how we suffer.

Relapse, or picking up again, is part of the process. Coming back from a relapse is also part of the process. It is perhaps the most painful part. We are full of shame and remorse. We feel like we have let ourselves and everyone around us down. We feel worthless and weak.

In reality, we are not weak. Battling addiction is not for the weak. Detoxing, asking for help, facing our demons and traumas all takes a great deal of strength. We know we have that strength in us because we have been through it.

Living a sober life, for an addict, is not a straight trajectory. It is a series of ups and downs, forward steps and backward steps. We will fall into old habits of isolation, depression, self-pity, fear or hopelessness. We may pick up again. But we are already set on a course to recovery. It may take a few detours, but we must remember that “recovery” is not a destination, there is no arrival. There is only the road in front of us and our only job is to keep travelling.

We must remember as well that we are not travelling alone. We have beside us, behind us and all around us, people who know what we are going through, people who have been there before and will walk with us now.