What does it mean to be living a sober life? What is sobriety?

I know what it is not. It is not a destination or something that we achieve and no longer have to work at. Simply not drinking or not using, for an addict, seems impossible in the beginning. When we choose to get sober, we begin the battle with cravings, withdrawals, temptations and a lot of pain. Whether we fight this on our own, with the help of a physician or end up in a detox program, it is all the same. We get our drug of choice out of our systems. Then the real work begins.

Many of us have been through this multiple times. I have quit drinking more times than I can count. I stopped drinking for about 10 years at one point. I would not describe this time of my life as being particularly sober. I was a deeply unhappy and angry person. I was basically white knuckling the ride of emotions on a daily basis. I had no insight into my suffering. I blamed myself for being a bad person, difficult to deal with and just not capable of being a good mom, wife, daughter etc. I was unhappy and full of self-pity. During this time I saw my children graduate and leave for university, I went through a divorce, changed jobs and began a new life on my own. I did believe at the time that I was making it and that I was strong. Until it all came crashing down.

I hesitate to call what happened over the next five years as a relapse, because I had not been living a life in recovery, I had merely stopped drinking. When I picked up the drink again I had made no real progress and found myself in a deeper hole than I had ever been. I had no control of my drinking, no self-respect and no hope for any kind of a future.

With the persistent help of some beautiful people, I went into a 60 day rehab program, which was the beginning of something brand new. I began the painful process of facing myself, my anger, my trauma and began to learn a new way to live. A life of sobriety.

This new lifestyle is ongoing and is something that requires daily maintenance. It is easier some days than others. The tendency to gravitate towards anger and isolation is always there, just as the potential to take that drink again is always there.

While I strive to maintain emotional sobriety, it is not a straight line. There are successes and failures. The failures do not negate the work we have done and do not take away the good we have accomplished. We continue to try and move in a forward direction, celebrating our wins and showing ourselves love and compassion when we are struggling.

Sobriety is a way of living.